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Miss Manners: How to Handle a Friend who Consistently Chooses Other Plans over Mine


In a recent letter to Miss Manners, a reader expressed concern about a friend who repeatedly accepted party invitations only to back out at the last minute. The reader questioned whether it was appropriate to be bothered by this behavior, as they were taught to honor commitments once they were made. Miss Manners agreed, stating that backing out of an invitation, unless there is an emergency or illness, is a sign of poor manners.

Miss Manners emphasized that by accepting an invitation and then finding something better to do, the friend in question was displaying a lack of consideration for the host and other guests. In this case, it would have been better for the friend to decline the invitation initially rather than accept and then back out later, as this gives the impression that they have no manners. The reader was reassured that their feelings were valid in this situation and that it was not overly sensitive to be bothered by their friend’s behavior.

Readers are encouraged to send their etiquette questions to Miss Manners via email or postal mail for advice on social situations and proper behavior. The column serves as a resource for those seeking guidance on navigating social interactions with grace and consideration for others.

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