An estranged mother-in-law seeks advice on her responsibilities and gift-giving for her Buddhist daughter-in-law’s wedding in a letter to advice columnist R. Eric Thomas. Despite not having contact with her son for over a decade, she is attending his wedding and is unsure about her role and appropriate gifts. The mother-in-law-to-be is unsure about bringing fruit, flowers, or incense and candles. She also doesn’t know how religious her future daughter-in-law is, and is worried about being disrespectful.
In response, Thomas advises that traditions vary and suggests reaching out to ask for clarification about her responsibilities. He notes that if her son hasn’t spoken to her in years, she may not have any responsibilities. The invitation may be an opportunity for reconciliation, but if no specific requests have been made, she can attend the wedding dressed as she would for any other wedding.
As for the gift, Thomas recommends following the couple’s request to donate to their honeymoon fund. He assures her that if they haven’t asked for anything specific, they won’t be expecting her to bring a gift to the ceremony and reception. The most important thing, Thomas emphasizes, is to show up with openness and gratitude and enjoy the day.
Overall, the advice encourages the mother-in-law to focus on being present and supportive at the wedding, rather than worrying about making mistakes or being disrespectful. Thomas concludes by inviting readers to send in their own questions for future columns.
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